A price to pay for love
by Ale Carter
Summary: Abby and Carter are falling in love again ... after 5 years of being apart ... Chapters 10 and 11 are up!
1. Default Chapter

Disclaimer : I don´t own any of the characters from ER. The only character I own is Amanda.  
  
People don´t change. I think me saying that was what drove him away. He began acting really strange that night. We went to a restaurant because he had something important to ask me, but he didn´t. But I saw the ring that night. He didn´t propose because I burst his bubble, he wanted to change me, he didn´t like me the way I was, so when I said I didn´t plan to change, he got cold feet and started drawing away from me.  
  
People don´t change, I said. I didn´t believe it then, but I do now. And he is the living evidence of that. He used to be a caring and sweet guy, but in matter of days, he changed, he became self-centered and selfish. He didn´t love me anymore, so he ran away to Africa to get away from me. He sent me a letter breaking up, well, thinking about it now, at least he had the decency to do so. But that letter brought me so much pain, I had to run away as well.  
  
* 5 years ago *  
  
I was sitting on a bench outside County, having trouble believing how much it hurt to be dumped by the only person I had truly loved.  
  
"Abby!" called Susan "Hey, earth to Abby! Are you alright?"  
  
I shook my head and handed the letter to Susan "He is breaking up with me"  
  
"I am sorry, Abby, but it is his loss" Susan said smiling, but her expression changed when I smiled back at her. "God, Abby, you look very pale, have you eaten anything today?"  
  
I shook my head once again "I have been feeling sick these days. I think the bathroom floor has become my favorite place around the house" I said trying to forget about the pain I was feeling inside.  
  
Susan chuckled, but stared at me looking concerned "Maybe we should run a few tests just to make sure you are alright"  
  
Once again, I shook my head, that had become a habit now "I´m ok, it´s just a bug, it´ll pass" I stood up, ready to go back to work.  
  
The minute I got up, I got very dizzy and fell down. After that, I don´t remember what happened. When I opened my eyes, I was lying on a gurney and Susan was looking directly at me. She had a weird glance.  
  
Am I that sick? Am I dying? Maybe this sharp pain in my chest isn´t from the heartbreak but for an actual heart failure.  
  
"Abby, you fainted, so I ordered some tests. We´ve got the results back" Susan said trying to avoid eye contact "You are pregnant. You are 7 weeks pregnant, Abby"  
  
What? This can´t be happening, not now. 7 weeks? But Carter and I ... oh no, I got pregnant that night? We used protection every time we made love, but that particular night before he went to Africa, we had sex without protection. Isn´t it ironic? We protected ourselves from love, but the one time we just had sex without getting emotions involved, I got pregnant.  
  
"Abby? You are going to be alright, you´ll be a wondeful mother" reassured me my best friend.  
  
"Susan, I can´t ..." I said feeling a tear rolling down my cheek "What if he comes back and sees me with a child? He´ll know it´s his. I can´t do this"  
  
That day, I packed my stuff, and left Chicago. That place was full of sad memories and if I were to have a child, I wanted to have a fresh start, where nobody knew my name. I moved to San Francisco, and never looked back, until today, five years later. 


	2. The plane

* Present Time *  
  
I lived in San Francisco for nearly 5 years, that was my home. Amanda grew up there. I can´t believe the hospital is transferring me back to Chicago. Of all cities in the US, I had to end up in Chicago. I wonder if he still works there. I have spent the last 5 years trying to forget him, trying to move on. But when you have loved someone as much as I loved him, it is impossible to let him go.  
  
"Mommy, where are we going?" asked Amanda, my five year old girl, as we were boarding the plane. She had her dad´s eyes. Everytime I looked at her, I could see him staring back at me.  
  
"Mommy´s got a new job, so we have to move to another place" I said smiling, trying to hide my uncertainty and doubts "You´ll love it there!"  
  
"I will? Why? I like it here. Do we have to move?" she asked me holding her favorite doll tight against her chest.  
  
"Yes, angel, we have to" I said combing her hair with my fingers "Hey, remember how you have always wanted to play in the snow? Now you will be able to do so. We´ll get lots of snow there, and we´ll have a very nice house ..."  
  
"And a puppy?" she asks bearing the sweetest smile I had ever seen.  
  
I chuckled. I don´t think pets are allowed in our building, but how can I say no to that angelic face? "Yes, sweetie, and a puppy"  
  
Why am I lying to her? We can´t get a dog. I can´t afford it and we will be living in a tiny place. Why did I have to tell her we´d be living in a nice house with puppies? I am doing exactly what I swore I would never do, I am promising things I can´t get her. I used to ask myself what was better a broken promise or a broken heart. I realize that when you break a promise, you are also breaking a heart.  
  
I stared deep into space while I was lost in my own thoughts. Then, that moment six years ago came back to me.  
  
"I´m not going anywhere" he had said. He promised he would never leave me, that he would stay by me whenever I need him. But he broke his promise and with that, he shattered my heart into pieces. He lied to me, just as I have lied to my daughter.  
  
Mandy smiled and went back to hugging her doll "Mommy, are we almost there?"  
  
I nodded and looked out from the window. All that greatness out there. That perfection.  
  
I wonder if there is anything beyond the sky. I look at the sun each morning and at the stars at night. Who put them there? Is there really a God looking after us? If so, why has he slowly taken everything I love from me? I am even afraid to love my own child too much, isn´t that ridiculous? I am afraid that if I love her with all my heart, she´ll be taken away. 


	3. First Day

* First Day Back *  
  
The alarm went off at 5 am, I turned it off and tried to go back to sleep, but I was too anxious to do so.  
  
This is going my first day back at County. I wonder if anything has changed there, I wonder if Susan still works as an attending or if Kerry is still the boss, I wonder so many things ... Who am I kidding? The only thing I wonder is if he still works there, if he still remembers me. Maybe I am just a distant memory for him.  
  
"Mommy, are you awake? I heard your alarm" said Mandy walking into my room "I don´t like this house, it is dark and I don´t like dark"  
  
"Sweetie, come to bed with mommy. There is nothing to be afraid of, I am here and I´m going to protect you" I said smiling at my baby. She had grown up so much, and she was starting to wonder about her daddy. Every time she looked at me, I dreaded that question.  
  
Amanda hugged me and rested her head on my shoulder "Do you have to work today?"  
  
I nodded "And if I don´t hurry I am going to be late" I got up and started to get ready "But you are coming with me, since school starts until tomorrow"  
  
I saw Mandy sigh and run to her room. After some minutes, she came back wearing a red polka dot dress, blue socks and brown shoes. I couldn´t help but laugh.  
  
"You look beautiful, Mandy, but why don´t you go and put on your Dorothy red shoes you like so much?" I had bought her a pair of shoes just like the ones Dorothy wore on the Wizard of Oz, we both believed they were magical, since everytime she put them on, wonderful things happened.  
  
I need some magic today, Is it odd to believe that a pair of shoes can bring you good luck? I had never believed in superstitions, but lately, they are what keep me going. I need to firmly believe in something.  
  
"Angel, let´s go" I said locking the apartment´s door and heading outside to the worst blizzard of the year "Look, Mandy, snow!"  
  
She giggled and bent to pick some snow up and then threw it at me "You´ll pay for that, you little devil!" I said also giggling. I made a snowball and gently threw it at my daughter. Those simple things were my favorite. I really enjoyed playing with my daughter, watching her smile, feeling her happiness.  
  
We walked for a few miles until we arrived to the ER entrance.  
  
This is it, Abby, ready of not, this is the moment of truth. I worked here for more than four years and this entrance never seemed scary, what has changed now? I feel like a little kid during the first day of school.  
  
"Mommy, are you ok?" Mandy asked looking at me.  
  
"Yes, let´s go in" I said holding my kid´s hand as tight as I could, like if she were the mother who was bringing her child to kindergarden for the first time.  
  
Just as I was getting into the hospital, I heard a familiar voice calling my name behind me. "Abby? Is that you?"  
  
I turned around and I saw Carter´s face. He did remember me. My heart started beating faster than normal. I felt like I was having a heart attack. Was it my heart mending after the break?  
  
"Yes, John, it´s me" I said looking straight into his eyes. He smiled as well, and as in old times, I felt we were the only two people in the whole world. Now I was sure of one thing, I never got over him and I am glad I didn´t. 


	4. My daughter

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR ALL YOUR REVIEWS!!!!  
  
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"What are you doing here?" he asked me looking very surprised to see me.  
  
"I am back" that was all I could think of to say to him. I hung to Mandy´s hand very hard and I gently pushed her behind me, as if I were protecting her from him.  
  
Why did I feel the need of protecting my child from her own father? I didn´t want her to get hurt the way I was, but that was no reason to hide her from him.  
  
"I am glad you are back, Abby, nothing has been the same without you around" he said smiling at me.  
  
I smiled at him and I looked into his eyes to see if he was telling the truth. But what did he mean by that? Maybe he did miss me after all. I just stared at him but said nothing.  
  
I noticed him looking at Amanda "This is my daughter, Amanda"  
  
"Your d..." he sounded shocked "Wow, when did this ...?"  
  
"Five years ago" I said already knowing what he was asking. I didn´t know how well he was in Math, but I was praying that he was terrible so he couldn´t figure out he was the father.  
  
"Who is the father?" was his next question, but before I could answer he apologized "I am sorry, that was inappropriate"  
  
I nodded "Yes, it was" I was so glad he had added that last part, I wasn´t ready to confess Amanda was his daughter.  
  
I looked down trying to avoid eye contact with Carter, and I smiled at Amanda "Honey, this is my friend John"  
  
Amanda smiled shyly at him and just waved. She wasn´t usually a shy girl, but she must´ve felt something different about him.  
  
"Hello, Amanda, it is very nice to meet you" he kneeled at her level and shook her hand. He was being the sweetest guy alive "As your mom said, I am an old friend of hers, John Carter"  
  
Amanda grinned and looked at me "Carter? As me?"  
  
I nodded. John and I looked at each other. He already had his question answered, now I wonder how he was going to take it. He stared at me, waiting for me to say something, maybe he wanted to hear the truth from my lips. But I wasn´t ready.  
  
"I am late. See you later, John" and so, as always, when things get rough, I ran away. I knew he´d ask me again, but I hoped that when that time came, I would be prepared.  
  
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It will be a Carby, promise! 


	5. The Lounge

I walked into the lounge to leave my things there, and to hide from Carter. Maybe it was better to just tell him the truth, to tell him I had given Mandy his last name, because that way, he was still alive for me, he was in my heart. But that meant actually letting him know that I missed him, and I didn´t want him to think I was weak, not now that everything in my life was going the right way, for once.  
  
"Abby, you are back!" said Susan hugging me "And who is this little angel?"  
  
"This is Mandy, my daughter" I said smiling at Susan. I was very happy to see her, she was my best friend when I was working here five years ago and I really hoped nothing had changed.  
  
Mandy also smiled at Susan, she wasn´t as shy as she had been when she first met Carter.  
  
"Hello, I am Susan. I have a girl just your age, her name is Lauren" said Susan grinning at my daughter "I am sure you two would have a lot of fun together"  
  
"Wow, you also have a daughter. I didn´t know" I said trying not to sound hurt because she hadn´t told me. But it was silly to even pretend I was hurt because I was the one who had left Chicago, not her.  
  
Susan nodded, but she didn´t have time to answer me.  
  
"Abby, we need to talk" I heard his voice and I turned around. I shook my head and looked at Susan. I was hoping she could save me, but she just smiled and did nothing.  
  
"Your last name is just like mine, right mommy?" said Mandy breaking the tension and smiling at Carter. I wanted to run away again and never come back, but I couldn´t deny what I was feeling. I still loved him.  
  
I stared at Susan "Could you take Mandy to the cafeteria to get some breakfast?" Susan knew what I really meant and she left us alone to talk.  
  
The minute Susan and my girl walked away, I looked at Carter and I saw that sweet glance I had fallen in love with nearly nine years ago. I was sure I was looking inside his soul. I wanted to kiss him, to tell him he was the only man I had ever loved, but I couldn´t forget what he had done. I couldn´t forget he had broken up with me over a letter.  
  
"Why didn´t you tell me?" was his first question. He looked hurt, but his pain was nothing compared to what he had made me experienced.  
  
"You are right! I should´ve sent you a letter telling you that you were a father. I know how you love letters" I said feeling a mix of emotions inside me.  
  
Carter looked down and I was sure he was going to apologize but he didn´t. His sweet glance disappeared and I saw a look I feared "What are you talking about? I had the right to know I had a daughter, how could you be so selfish?"  
  
"Whoa, let´s not talk about being selfish, because you´ve got the prize on that! I wasn´t the one who ran away to Africa" I was yelling at him, I was so mad because he couldn´t accept he had messed up.  
  
"I didn´t run away! I went there to help people. I have feelings, Abby, not like you!" he told me.  
  
"Excuse me, you have feelings? Did you ever stop to think how that letter would hurt me? NO! You were too busy thinking about yourself!" I said rubbing my temples. I couldn´t take this anymore.  
  
"Come on, that happened five years ago!" he said shaking his head.  
  
"Yes, incredible huh? How that still hurts me. I haven´t been able to get over you, John, you ..." I wanted to continue talking but my voice was breaking and I felt a tear rolling down my cheek.  
  
Carter hugged me and whispered "I am sorry. I was a fool, you´re right. The last thing I wanted was to hurt you"  
  
"But you did" I said sobbing "John, I ... I never stopped loving you"  
  
He held me tighter and kissed my forehead "Me neither ..."  
  
I smiled and all I could ever think about were Mandy´s magical shoes. Magic really did happen when she was wearing them. Now, I wonder where we will go from here.  
  


* * *

  
Thanks again for all your reviews!!!!! 


	6. Real love or is it?

I remained in his arms for the longest time, I felt I belonged there, but then it hit me and I had to break the embrace. I stared at him and even though I saw nothing but love inside his eyes, I started to recall what had made me run away the first time.  
  
"What´s wrong?" asked Carter after I violently stepped away from his hug  
  
"I ... I can´t do this, John, not now" I said knowing I would regret those words later, but I had to do it, for the sake of my ... of our daughter  
  
"You can´t do what?" he asked. He knew the answer but I think he was trying to understand why I was doing that.  
  
"We have to take this slowly, please. You can´t expect me to run into your arms after what you did to me five years ago" I said trying to sound as reasonable as possible.  
  
Carter´s expression changed, and actually, he did me a favor by having changed it because it made me realize what a fool I had been by forgiving him after all this time. He looked hurt at first, but then he looked angry, as if he couldn´t believe what I was saying.  
  
"I should´ve known! People like you don´t change, Abby, you were immature then and are immature now!" he answered back.  
  
"Immature? I have been raising a daughter for five years and I am doing a pretty good job!" having to hold the tears stung my eyes, but I was too proud to let him know it hurt to fight with him "Besides, you were the one who ran away, not me ..."  
  
How could a perfect moment be ruined in such a short amount of time? I mean, we were hugging and remembering what it felt like to be loved by the most wonderful person and now, we were arguing again.  
  
We were interrupted by Susan and Mandy who walked into the lounge "Mandy and I ..." started to say Susan, but she stopped when she felt the tension between Carter and me "Hmm, I could take her to ... uh ... to day care if you want"  
  
"No, there is nothing to be said here" I replied and took Mandy´s hand.  
  
Carter looked at Mandy and then took her other hand "What the hell do you think you are doing?" I asked.  
  
"Well, you are not taking my daughter again! I have the right to be a part in her life" he said.  
  
I shook my head "Release her hand before I call the police and have you arrested for kidnapping!" I threatened, but I knew I wasn´t kidding anyone. My eyes were saying everything and what they were screaming was that I loved him, so I had no choice other than calm down and act like the grown up this time.  
  
I took a deep breathe and added "Look, John, we need to talk, really talk, you know?"  
  
He nodded, he understood exactly what I was saying "Coffee and pie after my shift?"  
  
Coffee and pie, those were the right words. He was telling me that he really wanted us to talk, to figure out what had gone wrong and solve it. I smiled and nodded.  
  
"Coffee and pie, yes" I took Mandy and we walked out of the lounge.  
  
Things were kind of rough right now, and I had probably made the mistake of appearing too weak by letting him embrace me like that, but I was sure things would work out. They had to. 


	7. Ambulance bay

Thanks so much for all your reviews, I really really appreciate it!  
  
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I walked out to the ambulance bay with Amanda, but I couldn´t stop thinking about Carter. I felt my sleeved being tugged and that brought me back to the real world.  
  
"Mommy, why were you mad at that man?" asked Mandy, trying to understand my reaction back there in the lounge.  
  
"It´s complicated, kiddo" I smiled at her.  
  
I hated when grownups told me that it was complicated so they wouldn´t have to explain that to me. I didn´t know why I had done the same thing with my daughter, but I wasn´t ready to tell her the whole truth about Carter and my overly complex relationship with him.  
  
"Did you have fun with Susan?" I asked her abruptly changing the subject. Mandy just nodded and continued staring at the snow falling down from the sky "What did you talk about?"  
  
Mandy shrugged and bent down to touch the snow. Suddenly, her expression changed and a huge grin appeared on her face "Oh, mommy, Susan said that I could go play with Lauren today, can I? Please please please?"  
  
"I don´t know, sweetie ... I have to work and ..." I looked at her and I saw those angel eyes I couldn´t resist "Alright, I´ll talk to Susan later to arrange something ok?"  
  
Mandy nodded and hugged me "Thanks, mommy, you are the best!" she then ran away and began playing in the snow.  
  
I was tempted to light a cigarette while I was watching her, but I was still trying to quit. I think I had been trying to quit smoking since I was 14. I chuckled at the thought of that, but I was interrupted by a voice behind me.  
  
"Abby? Is that you?" spoke a British accent.  
  
I turned around and saw Elizabeth. I smiled and nodded "I´m back"  
  
We were interrupted by an ambulance pulling in "Mandy, come here, there´s a car coming" I said and took my daughter´s hand. The ambulance doors opened and the paramedic spoke. On that moment, I knew I had been sucked into the ER vortex again.  
  
"I have to get to work now, Mandy, why don´t you go to that room we were in and wait for me there?" I said smiling at her.  
  
"No, I can take care of her. I´m on a break now" spoke a male voice next to me. I recognized the voice, but I had to turn my head to look at him. I didn´t know what to do.  
  
Mandy also turned to look at him and she smiled "Hi, you have my last name too"  
  
Carter chuckled and kneeled down "How about we have a snowball fight while mommy´s with this patient?" he was asking Mandy, but he looked at me asking for my approval.  
  
I nodded "Be a good girl, sweetie" I said and I watched them walk away holding hands.  
  
In that moment, I felt mixed emotions. I was jealous, because someone else was taking a little place in my daughter´s heart, but I was very happy that person was her daddy. I wasn´t sure how I was going to explain everything to Mandy, but I knew now it was going to be easier. She was about to get caught into Carter´s web of charm and there was no way out of it.  
  
I smiled and walked inside pushing the gurney "BP´s 120/70 ..." 


	8. What now?

I walked into the trauma room and started doing my thing. I put in a central line and wrote down his vitals on the chart. Even though, I was working on the patient, my mind was elsewhere, I couldn´t stop thinking about what Carter and Mandy were doing. I kept wondering if they were getting along, what Carter was telling her. I was afraid he´d say something he shouldn´t.  
  
"Abby? Abby?" I looked at Susan who was calling out my name "Did you hear what I asked?" she asked. I nodded not really sure I had heard, but it was my first day back and I had to make a good impression once again "So, where is she?" she asked again.  
  
"Where is she? Oh Mandy?" I said, assuming Susan was asking where my little girl was "With Carter"  
  
Susan chuckled and shook her head "The paramedic said he was brought in with his niece, where is she? Which trauma room?"  
  
I blushed and looked at the trauma room next door "Uh, there, trauma two. Doctor Corday is working on her" I said biting my lip, I couldn´t believe how stupid I had sounded.  
  
"Hey, don´t worry, Abby, I know you are worried about Amanda, it´s ok" said Susan letting me know it hadn´t been a big deal. She smiled and went back to working on the patient "He´s ready to go up to surgery, let´s roll him"  
  
I took my gloves off and smiled back at Susan "I´m sorry, it won´t happen again"  
  
Susan nodded and it reminded me why she used to be my best friend when I was working here last time. She was always very understanding. I knew I could messed up around her and she´d do anything in her power to help me solve it.  
  
"Hey, go check on your girl and your man" she said winking at me.  
  
"Thanks" I said and walked out of the trauma room and to the ambulance bay. When I went outside, I couldn´t believe my eyes, Carter was teaching Mandy how to make a snowman. He was lifting her and she was putting Carter´s scarf on the snowman´s neck.  
  
"Wow, guys, that´s the greatest snowman I had ever seen" I said smiling at them.  
  
"John helped me do it, but I put the head and the nose, and look, mommy ..." Mandy pointed at the eyes "They are from my coat" she nodded and I looked down at her coat and saw it was missing two buttons. I didn´t know whether to be mad or just laughed. I chose the latter and laughed.  
  
"It´s lovely, sweetie!" I said and then looked at Carter "Great job, John, thanks for everything"  
  
"You girls are hungry? I´m in the mood for a hamburger and some fries" said Carter.  
  
Mandy grinned and nodded "Yes, burger!" she said excited. Carter had just spoken into her heart, or should I say into her tummy?  
  
"That sounds great, let´s go" I said holding Mandy´s hand.  
  
"She´s an amazing kid, Abby" said Carter  
  
I smiled and nodded "She is" I stared at Carter for a few minutes and then looked at Mandy "So, did you have a good time with John?" I asked  
  
"Yes, he is nice, mommy, I wish he was my daddy!" she answered and Carter and I just looked at each other.  
  
I was about to say that he was, but I just smiled and tickled her "Oh kiddo, the things you say!" 


	9. Burgers and shakes

We walked into the restaurant across the street. Mandy and I found a booth to sit on while Carter went to wash his hands.  
  
"I want a burger and fries and a chocolate shake and ice cream and, hmm, what else?" said Mandy when the waitress arrived to take our order. I couldn´t help but laugh at my girl, she was getting cuter each passing second, but she was also resembling her dad more each day.  
  
The waitress looked at me, waiting for me to tell her if she could write down that order. Before I could say anything, Carter walked towards us and sat down.  
  
"Have we ordered yet?" he asked  
  
I shook my head "Only Amanda has, and if you don´t hurry up, she´ll eat all the food there is here and leave us nothing" I said smiling and looked at the waitress "Bring the girl a kid´s menu with burger and fries" then I turned to Mandy, who was sulking "What do you want to drink?"  
  
"A chocolate shake" she said "and I also want ice cream, mommy"  
  
"Bring her a small chocolate shake, please" I said "And I´ll have a cheeseburger and a coke"  
  
"Same for me, please" said Carter "And bring a fudge sundae to the girl after her burger" Mandy smiled at Carter when she heard what he had said.  
  
The waitress nodded and walked away and I stared at John, giving him a disapproving look "What?" he asked.  
  
"Nothing" I sighed "It´s just that ... nevermind"  
  
"No, tell me!" he demanded "I want to know what I did wrong this time"  
  
I closed my eyes and sighed again. I leaned into the table to prevent Mandy from hearing too well what I was saying "I don´t want her eating so much junk food, ok? I agreed on the burger because she likes you, and well, we wanted to spend some time with you, but you had no right to order that ice cream without my consent" I said trying not to raise my voice.  
  
"Well, I am her ..." he was about to say the d word, but he refrained from it when he looked at the girl across from him who couldn´t keep her eyes away from him "Mandy, do you like Chicago?"  
  
Amanda nodded eagerly "I like snow! Mommy will play with me on Saturday, we´ll have snow fights" she grinned at me "Right, mommy?" I nodded.  
  
"Oh, I´d love to play too, Mandy, can I go with you?" asked Carter.  
  
I couldn´t believe he was doing it again, he was trying to charm Mandy, I knew that, but he did things without asking me, that was what bothered me. Saturday was going to be a very special day for me, because I never got to play with Mandy with my busy schedule, but now I had to share my day off with Carter as well. I stared at him and like magic, I felt my anger going away and it was replaced by a feeling I hadn´t experienced in a long time. It was as if I were a teenager again and I was looking at my crush for the first time. I felt that excitement, that whole ... My thoughts were interrupted by my daughter yelling at my ear.  
  
"Mommy!" I looked at Mandy "Can he?" she asked. Now, that was what I liked, she was asking how I felt about it, I felt loved and special.  
  
I couldn´t say no, Mandy was very happy around him and I was as well. Carter and I were very different, but we had always managed to overcome our differences and be best friends. Yes, that was what I wanted now. If I couldn´t have his love, I wanted to be his best friend.  
  
"Yes, sweetie, we´ll have lots of fun on Saturday! And we´ll teach John why girls rule" I said winking at Carter.  
  
When our burgers arrive, we all ate them in silence. Well, Mandy kept talking with her mouth full, but for the first time, I didn´t bother her with telling her not to do that and allowed her to enjoy her meal. She was still a kid and that is what kids do.  
  
Suddenly, Carter spoke "A penny for your thoughts, Abby"  
  
"A penny? Boy are you cheap!" I said laughing "You are a millionaire and you only offer a penny?"  
  
Carter laughed and so did Mandy. I was sure my girl didn´t know why she was laughing, but she didn´t want to be left out. The three of us were happy and that was all that mattered.  
  
The waitress brought the ice cream, and Carter looked at me, checking if I was okay with it or if the wonderful moment we had just had was over. I smiled and looked at the waitress "Could you bring us three spoons, please?"  
  
We all started eating the sundae and in that moment we became a family, I was having what I had always wanted, ever since I was a little girl like Amanda, a mommy, a daddy and a little girl who was loved by both. 


	10. Thai food

The following day was Susan´s day off, so she called me and asked if Amanda would like to join her daughter, Lauren, in a day of fun. They´d go ski at the lake and then they´d go to the mall and eat out, that sounded like something my girl would love, so I said yes.  
  
"Mommy! Susan is here" said Amanda sounded excited when she heard the doorbell.  
  
I hurried to the door and smiled at Susan "Thank you for doing this" then I looked at Mandy who already had her coat and her gloves on "Be a good girl, sweetie. See you tonight" I gave her a kiss and saw my daughter walking away.  
  
I got ready as soon as I could and went to County. I didn´t have time to go to the lounge to drop all my things off, since I was greeted by a paramedic with a patient in a pretty bad condition.  
  
"15 year old girl, GSW to the chest, intubated at the scene" said the paramedic "BP 100/60, pulse 100"  
  
"Let´s roll her inside" I said and helped to push the gurney "John, 15 year old with, GSW, BP 100/60"  
  
"Get me two liters of saline and hang 2 units of O neg in the rapid infuser" said Carter, wheeling the girl to trauma two "CBC, chem 7, ultrasound to the belly and page surgery"  
  
I went over to the phone and called Dr. Corday. "Pressure is dropping. An amp of epi?" I said glancing at Carter waiting for him to allow me to administer the drug "Bleeding in the peritoneal cavity"  
  
Elizabeth walked in and got right down to business "Prep her for a lavage. Stomach distended. Where´s the bullet?" she asked looking at the ultrasound screen and trying to find it "Oh God, it is in her heart, it´s traveling fastly through the arteries. Let´s get her up to surgery!"  
  
I watched Elizabeth getting the girl to the OR and smiled at Carter "Good work!"  
  
He smiled back "Right back at ya" he sighed and took his gloves off "Bet you didn´t miss this, huh?"  
  
"Actually, I did. I didn´t get this much excitement in San Francisco. And I didn´t get to work with such fine doctors over there" I winked and left the room.  
  
"Abby, wait! Do you have any plans for lunch?" I shook my head "I was thinking we could try this new Thai place, does Mandy like Thai food?"  
  
"Amanda went out with Susan and Lauren today" I replied thinking it was the perfect day to be alone with Carter "But I would love to have lunch with you"  
  
We both went back to our usual work and met at admit at 1 o´clock.  
  
"Ready to go?" I nodded "I hope this new place is good"  
  
"I don´t mind, I´m not that hungry, besides, the company is what counts and well .." I gave him a sweet look "The company is great"  
  
We got to the restaurant and were assigned to a table in a really dark corner of the restaurant. I liked it, because it was private and romantic. We started with small talk while we waited for the menus and then for our food, but it was during dessert where everything changed.  
  
Carter took my hands and looked directly into my eyes "Abby, I think we need to talk"  
  
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carbyfan - I think your ideas are great, so I am taking them into account for the following chapter. Thank you for your comments.  
  
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And to all of you who have also wriiten some reviews THANK YOU AGAIN!!!! 


	11. The talk

Carter took my hands and looked directly into my eyes "Abby, I think we need to talk"  
  
"I thought we were talking ..."  
  
"No, I mean, we need to be honest with each other" he looked down and then looked back at me. I heard him take a deep breathe and then he spoke "I know I hurt you when I left, and I am really sorry about that. I had to be alone for a while, needed to put my thoughts in order. Everything happened so fast, Gamma dying, your brother getting sicker, us drawing apart. It was very complicated and I couldn´t handle it too well ..."  
  
I smiled and started caressing his hands with my fingers "I know, John, I ..."  
  
"No, please, let me finish. I thought I would find the answers I was looking for by getting away from Chicago, but I didn´t. Now I realize life began the moment I met you and ended when I lost you" he continued. I could see he was baring his soul to me and I fell in love with him once again.  
  
Still, I was trying to understand many things "You didn´t lose me ... But, what about that letter? Why did you ..." I was interrupted by his answer.  
  
"I don´t know. I wish I had the answer, but I don´t. I wrote it in a moment of confusion and gave it to Luka. When I realized what I had done, I took the first flight back to Chicago to try to undo every damage I had caused you, but it was too late. Susan told me you were gone and she didn´t have your new address"  
  
"I´m ... I´m sorry, John"  
  
"I felt the world was collapsing right in front of my eyes, and I didn´t know what to do. I started calling everyone I knew just to ask if they had any idea where you had gone. I gave up a week later. I ..." he sighed "I was miserable for the longest time. I saw I had been an idiot for having done that to you. And I knew I was the only one to blame"  
  
I shook my head "That´s not true. It was also my fault. You stood by me whenever I needed you. When Maggie was sick, you were there; when Eric disappeared, you were there; when everything seemed to go wrong, you were there to make it right. And I couldn´t be there for you when you needed me the most. I ruined what we had when I didn´t support you when Gamma died. I am so sorry, John" I bit my lip and felt the tears stinging my eyes "I ran away when I found out I was pregnant, because I couldn´t stay in a place where everything reminded me of you, because I loved you too much and I couldn´t bear to think you were gone, so I decided to start a new life somewhere else"  
  
I stared at him waiting for an answer, but when he remained silent, I continued "It was cruel from me to show up with your daughter after all this time and expect you to be fine with it, I know. And I am really sorry I never told you I was pregnant, but at that time, I wasn´t sure you cared ..."  
  
"I did, Abby ..."  
  
"I know. That is why I want you to be part of Amanda´s life. I know I can´t make up for those five years I hid her from you, but I want you to get to know your daughter now. I always knew you were going to make a great dad, now it´s your chance to prove it" I smiled "I know Mandy will love having you around and so will I. I really missed you all these years"  
  
We both nodded and stared at each other. We knew we were meant to be together. After five years, that spark was still shining.  
  
"I want to be part of your life too, Abby. Please give me another chance" he said.  
  
"I will, if you give me another chance as well" I replied and he kissed my fingers.  
  
"Now, I want to hear everything you´ve done in the past five years ..." 


End file.
